


Modern day Stucky one-shots

by Punk_jerk1963



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-World War II, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-23 18:05:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7474386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punk_jerk1963/pseuds/Punk_jerk1963
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's been living with Steve in his apartment since escaping Hydra's control, as Steve continuously tries to comfort him through the mental damage. Each chapter would be a different situation/story in that setting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! So this is my first fic as I'm new to the archive, and I'd be appreciative towards any advice/help about Archive or my work :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes responsibility into his own hands in paying for what he did as the Winter Soldier using violence. Obviously Steve gets very upset upon learning Bucky feels this way about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more triggering, my apologies. The rest definitely won't be nearly as long or depictive.

>Bucky had since loathed that part of him- the arm. It wasn't the metal he was particularly bothered by, just what it meant that he wasn't overly fond of. Being one of Hydra's lab rats, it disgusted him. But more so he hated himself, what he had become. Steve spent much of his time reminding his friend that what he did as the Winter Soldier wasn't his fault, that he wasn't in control. But Bucky always felt at fault, after all, he did it. 

Bucky loathed that part of him- the arm. Everything Hydra did to him, all the memories of the pain, the cries of his innocent victims, they all came back with one glance at the metal and red star. The additional physical strength it brought would never be worth the emotional trauma it placed in Bucky's head. 

So yes, Bucky did have reason to loathe that part of him- the arm. And Steve was well aware. As much as the blond man tried to ease his friend, it was never enough to have Bucky forgive himself. Steve felt concerned that Bucky would do it at some point, as Bucky felt the need to since he had broken away from Pierce's grasp. If the thoughts of Hydra wouldn't leave, he would have to rip them away, tear it away. 

Steve would be gone again that day. Agent Hill called him in that morning for some SHIELD matter. A quick job, she said because Natasha and Tony were also there, but enough to pull him from Bucky for a bit. As reluctant as he was to leave his depressed friend, Steve took it as his responsibility and explained to Bucky before heading out. Of course, Bucky never seemed to complain much. In fact, he tried his hardest to make sure Steve never knew of his depressed self lately, and acted as if he would have no issue on his own. But Steve could always figure it out, just how damaged Bucky was, and that he pretended to be okay for Steve's sake. 

"It should be pretty simple, I'll be back soon, Buck." Steve promised.  
"Yeah, of course," Bucky smiled up at him from where he was sitting on the bed. "I'll be fine, I promise" he lied.  
Steve grabbed his jacket before leaving, in regular attire, with his shield of course. 

That night before had been especially bad. Nightmares again, but so vivid this time. Every scream, all the innocent people, all his doing. He watched as he choked the man on the road. After only information, but of course it led to violence and the Winter Soldier had to get rid of the witness. He watched, again, choking the life out of the man, an innocent one. As if seeing it the first time wasn't enough. Then suddenly his arm dropped the body. The goddamn arm. 

Having every reason to loathe the arm, he decided it had to be done. Of course it wouldn't make himself feel better for every life he took, but would prevent himself from taking others. He had to get rid of the arm. Carefully choosing one of his many weapons, Bucky sat on the bathroom floor, it would be easier to clean up the resulting mess there.

Examining the top where the metal started, he started picking away at his shoulder. Knowing the metal wouldn't budge easily, Bucky prepared himself for the fact that he would be trying for a while. He felt the pain he was causing himself, saw the blood drip. Not much, but enough to cause worry. 'Maybe it's working' he thought, 'just a little more, and this part will lift.' Bucky must have thought that frequently because before he realized it, he had passed out. 

 

"Bucky?" Steve assumed his friend had fallen asleep after he heard no reply to his several calls. Upon seeing no one in their room, his initial emotion of relief for an easy mission quickly transformed to concern. He searched the kitchen, again to no effect. That was until he caught the bathroom door cracked slightly open. Barging in, only to see such an upsetting sight, Steve's legs almost fell weak. 

"Buck!" He shook the dark haired man on the floor until he regained consciousness, then gently eased him out of the bathroom. Bucky looked up at Steve, still leaning on his shoulder. 'Shit' he thought. Steve would give him hell for this. 

"Hey, hey stay awake," Steve continuously tapped Bucky's face, using his other hand to wrap Bucky's shoulder and where the metal arm started. Eventually, he stopped the blood, but Bucky's facial expression still revealed that he needed help.  
"I-I'm sorry, Stevie," Bucky looked so tired, worn out.  
"Shh, it's fine," Steve quickly muttered, more focusing on finding where else Bucky needed bandaging still. When he was done, Steve lied the injured soldier down in the bed.

"Can you stay here?" Bucky whispered.  
"What?"  
"P-please?" Bucky couldn't raise his voice past much of a murmur, as Steve gave in. Sliding next to him, Steve tucked his arm under Bucky's head and wrapped his other arm around his friend, slowly stroking his hair.  
After some time of lying there still, Steve was the one to break the silence.  
"Bucky, why?"  
Bucky sighed heavily, clearly still feeling lost and tired. "What I did, Steve. You don't wanna know."  
"Buck that wasnt you"  
"I know. But I did it." No matter how much Steve told him he was innocent, Bucky couldn't believe anything other than the fact that he needed to pay for their lives. Subtlety holding back tears, he told him, "what they did to me, and then what I did to others, someone's gotta fix it, stop me."  
Steve looked down into Bucky's eyes, "there's nothing to fix, nothing we can do. Let them go, Buck. Please, stop believing you deserve this." Bucky couldn't do that, he believed he did deserve it, he always will.  
Looking into the blue of Bucky's eyes, Steve pleaded "please Buck, I need you." Bucky never understood why, but he was important to Steve. Steve pulled him closer, tears forming in his own eyes. Bucky promised not to try it again, but Steve knew he'd have more trouble leaving his friend from now on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a longer time since Steve got home from a mission he said he'd be on, and Bucky gets worried.

Bucky looked back at the clock again. 'Dammit Steve,' he thought. Almost two hours past the time he said he'd be back by. Not that Bucky felt concerned, no- he didn't have to do that anymore. Now if Steve found his way into another pointless fight, he didn't need Bucky to get him out of it. But this long after a mission, it was very possible something happened....

Alright, maybe he was a little concerned, but he had complete reason to be. Steve was still as reckless as he was when 16 in Brooklyn, only now it didn't seem to have the same effect. Glancing back at the clock, Bucky started to pace. 10:42, now approaching three hours since the time Steve should have been home. 

Immediately assuming worst case scenarios happened, Bucky became frantic once again. He wasn't even answering his phone, not that Bucky knew very well how to work his own. He had by now called the blond soldier more than six times and left quite a few messages, but neither brought a response. More time had passed, and night brought about the time Bucky usually went to bed. He went to lie down, but worry kept him up. 

Steve knew he was late, knew his dead cell phone meant a panicking Bucky; hoping all was well at home, he quietly rummaged for his key and entered the apartment. Expecting it to be quiet in the nighttime, Steve didn't realize what attacked him until he was pushed back a bit. Hearing him enter, Bucky rushed to the door and crashed his lips into Steve's. Holding his face with both hands, Bucky pressed into the kiss, as Steve's free hand slid up to Bucky's waist. Bucky spoke out softly, "you're late." "I thought you'd be asleep" Steve whispered, and leaned his head into the side of the brunette's, resting by his shoulder. Bucky couldn't help but notice just how tired he sounded.  
"Hmm, I waited," Bucky murmured, touching his hair. Bucky figured he didn't need to yell at the blond for worrying him, he had a long enough day of his own.  
"Sorry I'm late, Buck." He was still resting on Bucky, one hand on his waist, so tired.  
"You should sleep."  
"I'm fine," Steve lifted his head to peck another kiss on Bucky's cheek before walking to the room to put away his suit and shield. 'Typical Rogers,' thought Bucky, noticing that he was trying to avoid wise advice.  
"Steve," Bucky entered the bedroom himself and sat on the bed, pulling Steve's hand down too. Too tired to argue, he did as Bucky insisted and let himself fall into the bed's comfort as well. Pressed against Bucky he almost fell asleep until he could swear he heard Bucky mutter "keep your damn phone charged." A smile curling upon Steve's lips, sleep had at last consumed the both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has nightmares again, ones no one can relate to. But Steve can try to heal.

The light brown eyes pierced into Bucky's own. The sorrow in them alone could have been enough to break him, had he not been so well trapped by Hydra in a killer's mind now. The woman gasped, trying desperately to find air, maintaining her gaze into the assassin's eyes. His arm clamped tighter around her throat, as she now couldn't find the air she needed and her bright eyes were slowing rolling back. Suddenly she stopped resisting, and the soldier dropped her body. As she lied unconscious on the pavement, he proceeded into the building, shooting up all civilians, whether they were guilty or not, whether they were in the way or not. All killed. All by the assassin. 

Bucky watched as he killed all the adults, in front of their children. He watched himself do it. Watching it happen again, this time knowing it was wrong. 

He was now sweating, writhing back and forth, clearly in discomfort. Murmuring every once in a while in between gasps, Bucky's began panting, until he finally woke up from the shaking. Steve, now sitting up, was beside him shaking his friend. "Bucky, listen. Buck!"  
For a bit after he was taken out of the dream, Bucky was unaware of his surroundings, what was happening, as he was still lost in the thought of that day, that woman.

"Bucky, hey, you're okay," Steve touched his face then pulled him in, holding him close. Bucky's breathing slowed, returning to normal, and he let himself sink into Steve's arms. Clinging on to one of Steve's arms, he broke, realizing he couldn't hold back the pain any longer. Steve understood that he wouldn't be talking much at the moment, and didn't ask anything, only held him tighter, stroking his hair with his other hand. He could clearly hear Bucky's sobs into his shoulder, 'this one must've been the worst,' thought the blond. 

After a while of sitting on the bed, pressed together, Bucky broke the silence. "I'm sorry, Steve."  
"Stop, Buck, stop, you know it's not your fault."  
Bucky lifted his head to meet Steve's blue eyes. His eyes teary and voice shaky, he softly spoke after some time. "It was so many people, Stevie. That day, there were so many people," Bucky looked away, fearing more tears would fall. "They told me to get rid of anyone who interfered... but I just killed everyone. Didn't even think it was wrong," he looked up into Steve's eyes again.  
Steve's own were watering, "none of it was you." He felt the sorrow Bucky did; not that he could pretend to understand what Bucky was going through, but what hurt Bucky hurt him too.  
"I, I did so many things," Bucky's eyes teared up again before he could continue. "Too many things."  
"But it's not on you, Buck." Steve was the only one giving Bucky strength to continue, but he never believed what he did was enough. He knew his friends situation was unique, that no one could relate, no one could help. 

It regularly brought immense sorrow to Steve already. Fifty years in the hands of Hydra, fifty years of killing who ever they said to, watching as you did it with no control. However, all that had to have been at least twenty years or so after he had been first captured. Twenty years trying desperately to resist power being forced onto him, twenty years hoping Steve or the Howling Commandos would find him, twenty years passing with all his attempts at freedom gone as he had to submit into the brainwashing. 

"They don't stop," Bucky finally spoke again, "the nightmares, they won't stop."  
"Hey, you're okay, I swear." Steve tried to keep himself composed best he could, with hearing Bucky's panting and sniffling the whole night until he returned to sleep at last. Kissing the brunet's head before drifting off to sleep himself, Steve prayed Bucky could be himself again, undamaged. 

The nightmares didn't stop, they wouldn't stop. But with Steve, Bucky was learning to deal with that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has to go again on another mission. Leaving Bucky's always hard.

>"I'll be right there," Steve put his phone down and went to grab his suit. Picking up the shield, he was almost out the door, when he saw Bucky leave the room and step into sight. 

He was leaning against the door frame, "again?"   
Steve put down his shield and walked over to Bucky, then holding his wrist and bringing him down to sit on the couch. He had had nightmares again the night before, and Steve assumed he should still act gently with Bucky. 

Hand still over Bucky's, Steve told him it would probably be quick, followed by Bucky making him promise to be careful. The slightest smile reached Steve's face, as his left hand reached up for Bucky's face. He leaned in to kiss Bucky's cheek and whispered "take care of yourself, okay Buck?" before getting up to leave. 

It happened frequently, nothing new that Bucky hadn't become used to. SHIELD and the Avengers needed Cap, Bucky understood. He once offered to go with Steve, both of them liked the idea- Steve wouldn't miss Bucky while away and Bucky would feel comfort knowing exactly where Steve was and that what he was doing was safe- but it was Steve to shot down his offer. Not sure if Bucky should be back on missions, with lack of control and flashbacks, Steve told him it'd be safer if he was at home, away from action. 

It wasn't not that Bucky disagreed, after all he knew more than anyone how little he could trust his mind. It was just that he got so lonely in their apartment, all day without Steve. Often he'd take a walk to the store, but generally avoided public spaces if he was without Steve, just in case. 

Steve got home late, as usual, and went straight to Bucky, as usual. Bucky was laying on the couch, TV on.   
"Hey Buck, I'm back," he said quietly right before joining Bucky and laying down into his side. That was all he said, and Bucky could immediately tell how tired he was. Placing a hand, his flesh one, on Steve's head, Bucky slowly stroked his blond hair.   
It was a while of silence before Bucky spoke again. "You know, I could go with you."  
Steve lifted his head up, now looking into Bucky's blue eyes. As much as he wanted to say no, as much as he wanted his friend home where he was safe, Steve missed him too much, and he realized Bucky did too since he was the one who asked. 

That night, they agreed that Bucky would go with him on missions and errands. At least Bucky wouldn't be alone if he had some flashback or panic attack now, but still Steve felt just a bit hesitant. Realizing this, Bucky put his arm around Steve and snuggled closer on the couch. 

Both were too tired to make their way to the bedroom that night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Bucky's started going with Steve on missions, he usually ends up injuring himself too. The two remember their life in the 30's/40's while it's Steve who tries to patch up Bucky this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has just a brief mentioning of pre war life, since that's something I enjoy reading. So if anyone has good pre war stucky recommendations/works, please let me know, I'd love to take a look!!

>Keeping his arm around Bucky's waist, Steve slid the key into the lock and opened the apartment door. Bucky still needed Steve's support to walk mostly, but separated himself from the blond and sat on the couch. After Steve put away his shield and turned around, he frowned at the sight of his friend lying around, most likely intending to fall asleep. 

"Bucky, no. C'mon," Steve pulled at his wrist and took him to the bathroom. Gesturing to Bucky to sit on the toilet seat, Steve grabbed cloth pieces and ran them under the faucet. He then sat at the edge of the bathtub and dabbed the bruises and cuts on Bucky's face with the warm rag. They looked painful enough, and on top of that, Bucky winced slightly with every touch the cloth had on his bloody face. Bucky wanted more than anything to sleep, but he didn't stop Steve from fixing his face- he knew he probably looked like hell. 

It didn't hurt anymore, but some of the blood was still there, so Bucky let Steve continue to wash the cuts. Steve's left hand was on Bucky's cheek as his other gently patted Bucky's skin with cloth. Steve was too focused on the injuries to realize that Bucky was staring admirably at him. The slightest of smiles on Bucky's lips, he just gazed into Steve's bright eyes lovingly, in the silence. Steve was still only paying attention to the bruises and was completely unaware that Bucky was slowly falling more in love with every look at him. He was the one to break the silence. 

"Its weird, it used to be me who always had to do this for you," Bucky whispered.   
Steve's hands continued to attend to Bucky's wounds, slower now as he looked in Bucky's piercing blue eyes. He recalled the days he would get into fist fights with opponents twice his size, be taken home by Bucky followed by the brunet comforting his bruises, and couldn't help but chuckle quietly. He didn't say anything, just continued to wash the cuts now with a wide smile across his face.   
"I didn't mind it ever, you know," Bucky continued, "looking after you." The smile on his face was gone now, as Bucky allowed himself to just stare for a bit, only looking so in love with the blond in front of him.   
Steve's hands stopped tending to Bucky's cheek, and he too became lost in Bucky's eyes. Bucky's hand slowly reached up to his face, on top of Steve's hand, pulling it down and holding it. Then his other arm extended to cup Steve's face as he leaned in and kissed his jaw. Holding Steve's hand for a while, Bucky sat there, resting on the blond. The rag was still in Steve's other hand, and he felt that he really should wash the cuts on Bucky's forehead still, but he soon put it down. He could feel Bucky's breathing down his neck, but said nothing and stroked his hair. Steve figured Bucky could use the quiet and rest, so he sat there holding him for some time. 

Yeah, Steve didn't mind it ever either.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a mission goes wrong, both Steve and Bucky's lives are put at risk, resulting in a fight when they get home.

>"What are you, insane? I'm serious, Steve!" Bucky's icy blue eyes narrowed, staring intensely directly into Steve's.   
"Are you telling me you weren't reckless yourself? You could've been killed, Bucky!" Steve didn't really like that he was being so loud with his friend, but eventually his tone got loud enough to match Bucky's.   
"That's not the point Steve, and you know it!" Bucky kept his glare, "coming back for me if you had the drive was stupid!" He stuttered for a moment, still thinking through anger, then continued, "this was supposed to be a quick job- get the file then the hell out!" Steve's jaw tightened listening to Bucky yell, but he wasn't done lecturing. "But no! Your careless ass went back in, you almost jeopardized the mission and your life!"  
"Well I wouldn't have had to go back if you weren't so stupid to begin with! Were you even thinking, how would you take on all those guys at once?"   
"I don't need you to protect me! Your only job's to look after your damn self!" Almost instantly, Buck felt immense guilt with his harsh words, but Steve wouldn't understand any other way. Bucky had gotten so scared when Steve almost got himself killed in a desperate attempt to save Bucky. It was so close, and it might've happened had Sam not flown in at the time for backup. So close, so close to losing him. 

"Oh but of course, you didn't think your own life was worth keeping! Always jump at a chance to so good, won't you, but not to yourself- no of course not, not that you think you deserve value!" Steve shouted, now the two were in each other's personal space.   
Bucky winced a bit, because what Steve said was personal, because what Steve said was true. "I didn't need you! And I don't now!" Bucky shot back.   
"Fine! Because I need you!" Steve called without a second of hesitation. Bucky's eyes narrowed dangerously, but Steve approached him calmly. "I need you, Buck. You ever think of that, that I love you?"  
It seemed like Bucky choked on nothing but air. "I, y- you what?" Bucky sputtered, noticing that Steve's expression was no longer the same.   
"I love you, Buck. And maybe I was a bit reckless today, but it's because I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you." Steve's face didn't even show any anger anymore, all irritation replaced with sincere concern. And Bucky couldn't help but think that he himself had been such a jerk to Steve. He immediately acted by finding himself in his friend's arms, hiding his face in the crook of Steve's neck, mumbling apologies.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm worried too," Bucky whispered against Steve's skin.  
Steve planted a soft kiss in Bucky's hair, "I know."  
As much as Bucky was used to Steve getting himself into physical trouble, he couldn't bear to have something serious happen to him; and Steve never liked to think that he might lose Bucky again. So then and there they concluded neither could afford to be so careless anymore.


End file.
